Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
