I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
