You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
