There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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