hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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