i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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