I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
