OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
