ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
