I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
