You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
