I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
