he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
