he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
