can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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