great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
