I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
