There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
