sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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