Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
