Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
