Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
what day is it and did you see me today?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
