I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
