Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
