Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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