your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
