note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
