His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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