he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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