Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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