508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
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Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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