Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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