so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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