i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
