THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
