Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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