Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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