I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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