Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
