How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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