When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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