it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
