Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
