I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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