god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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