when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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