She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
