look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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