He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
