soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
