I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
