I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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