Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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