The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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