honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
