just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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