I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
