even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
