a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
