new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
