When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
