do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
