So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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