i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this boner is exhausting
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
