That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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