you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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