He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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