I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
