I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
