i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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