Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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