I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
