But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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