I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
