i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
