Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
