So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
