my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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