No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
